Hi {{ Name | there }},
This morning, I was negotiating with my toddler about putting her shoes on.
She refused.
My first instinct was to push harder.
But something in me paused.
I was losing my patience, but I also knew that she wasn’t being difficult; she was just tired.
So instead of saying, “We don’t have time for this,” I said,
“You’re sleepy, huh? Want to take your toy in the car?”
She nodded, put on the shoes, and walked to the car with me.
I’m sharing this story today with you because the same empathy that gets my toddler’s buy-in helps me de-escalate tense meetings, align teams, and negotiate outcomes.
Empathy isn’t softness. It’s strategy.
When you can read what’s driving a person’s behavior (be it your kid, stakeholder, cross-functional difficult manager, or anyone), you can adjust your approach to get the outcome you want.
This is why empathy is one of the most strategic levers for influence that you’ll ever build.
Here’s how to build the muscle for strategic empathy and position yourself as a leader:
#1 Treat empathy as data (not emotion)
Empathy isn’t about being endlessly understanding; it’s about collecting data.
Before reacting, pause and ask yourself:
“What is this person trying to protect, prove, or prevent?”
That question changes everything.
When a manager pushed back on my idea, instead of assuming they don’t trust me, I asked myself: “What risk are they trying to avoid?”
Turned out, he was worried we’d have to extend the timelines. He wasn’t worried that I wouldn’t do a good job.
Strategic empathy helped me tailor my suggestion to alleviate his concerns.
When you start seeing emotions as information, you stop taking things personally and start leading with insight.
#2 Use empathy to communicate with authority
Empathy isn’t just “understanding others”, it’s about positioning your message with context so it lands.
Great communicators don’t speak louder. They speak in alignment - by reading what others value, fear, or need before they respond.
For example, when a senior leader looks disengaged, instead of pushing harder, try pivoting into:
“I know you’re balancing a lot - here’s how this plan makes your team’s job easier.”
You’ve acknowledged their fear, reframed logic, and earned attention.
That’s how empathy turns communication into influence.
An easy way to get started is to use The Executive Communication Kit, which gives you 10 AI-powered templates to help you write and speak with strategic empathy so your message lands.
If you want to calmly showcase authority and build influence, get it here (for free).
#3 Use empathy to regulate, not absorb
Empathy without boundaries leads straight to burnout.
You can’t lead effectively if you’re carrying everyone else’s emotions.
So before reacting (whether at home or work), ask yourself:
“Is this within my control or is it something I shouldn’t take on?”
That pause protects your calm and your clarity.
As moms, we’re already pros at empathy (reading moods, negotiating meltdowns, anticipating needs before they’re spoken).
Now it’s time to channel that skill into how you lead and communicate at work.
Which of the 3 approaches will you be using this coming week? Do write back and let me know.
See you next week,
Shivani
P.S. I’m hosting LinkedIn’s first Ask & Connect — covering the hardest career questions high-performers ask me on promotions, influence, burnout, self-advocacy and more. It’s a free and virtual session on Nov 20 at 8 am PT / 11 am ET.
Save your spot here.
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